Marine Guide to Pirates, Pillows and all that Jazz
by breadbutterpudding
Summary: The most logical thing to do when figuring out how pirates become so famous is of course to become a pirate yourself. Lieutenant Noh isn't quite sure though. Submit OC by PM
1. Hired

**Marines Guide to Pirates, Pillows and all the Jazz**

**.**

**.**

**L**_esso_**n P**_rologu_**e**

**.**

_If you cut down a Devil Tree and replant it, you will be granted the spirit of a Sea Demon and a tree bearing fruit of its power_

_"Pirate King" Morgan Heller died 45 years after learning this_

**.**

It was not like he was worried- his comrades did the worrying for him, in fact they worry so much that he would feel a lot calmer by just standing next to them. This was what probably got him his promotion in the first place.

You see a bunch of men parading their idiocy in the public eye 24/7, screaming and gawking over every pirate they see, and every commissioned Marine officer they see, and every delicious looking pie they see. Then there was a quiet man in the background, standing with a vacant expression, hands folded neatly behind his back.

Normalcy is on the decline everywhere in the world, so they greeted it with open arms in the Marines. That was how Noh rose the ranks to a Lieutenant position under a period of a year. Two weeks after his new post he received an order to go to the Admiral's office.

His comrades worried. They worried _terribly_.

"Maybe they're jealous of how quickly you got to be a Lieutenant," Szymon suggested in a hushed tone, as if their room had eyes.

Noh had doubted that, he really doubted that.

The Admiral who had wished an audience with him was no other than Admiral Tsuka, one of the most happiest beings known to man. And fish. Everywhere Tsuka would go he greeted the world with a smile and a (peculiar) laugh.

He was also known to be a thoroughly odd person as well, his brain spilled over with absolutely erratic and unusual ideas, frequently causing a lot of trouble for his colleagues. He was completely unpredictable with his illogical sense of logic and happy-go-lucky personality, but still extremely friendly and amiable- even so, there was something uncomfortably churning in Noh's gut.

It was not like he was worried.

He approached the office door, flashing a piece of paper at the guards outside to show them his appointment was arranged and was then guided into the world Admiral Tsuka lived in. Potions? Spell books? Skeletons? Masks? Flowers? Sunshine? Rainbows?

All the rumours that Noh had collected over the few months shattered as he found himself in a very ordinary spacious room with a tidy work desk and a fat, frowning bulldog sitting next to it. Nothing out of the norm at all.

Nothing like Tsuka.

The man himself glanced up from the newspaper he was reading, he gave Noh a wide smile and folded the tabloid away. "Thank-you for coming Lieutenant, I have a lot to talk to you about!" He shook hands with Noh eagerly and gestured to an empty chair. "Would you like something to drink?"

Noh sat down on the allocated seat. "No thank-you sir."

Humming to himself; Tsuka cleared away his workspace until all sign of white was gone from the varnished surface besides for a scrap piece of paper. "How long has it been since your new position, son?" he inquired.

"Two weeks, sir."

"Good good, that means you have most certainly not stepped into any major missions yet, have you?" Tsuka pressed on. "No direct contact with pirates at all?"

"None sir."

"Excellent, you're hired!"

Those were the last words Noh imagined to hear. "Excuse me?"

His very reaction seemed to put Tsuka into childish excitement, he danced around the desk and knelt down to pick up his dog, nuzzling her affectionately.

"You're hired Lieutenant! You're hired to take part in my new magnificent secret project which only my darling girl and an important friend knows about!" He didn't give Noh a chance to even open his mouth and continued on rapidly. "I've been wondering Lieutenant, I've been wondering. How do the legendary pirates do it? How did they pull it off? From what we know, most of them started as nothing, just a new stone in the field of mud, nothing to stop and stare... but now Lieutenant, they're the new kings! The kings of the ocean! How did they _get_ there?"

He turned to face Noh, probably meaning to finally allow the startled young man to speak again. "I... I don't know sir."

Tsuka jabbed a finger into the air and slowly lowered it onto his bemused guest. "Well you're going to find out son, because you're going to try it."

Blinking madly did the young sailor tried to work out what was meant by _you're going to try it_. "I-I beg your pardon?" His first thought was that he was going to be involuntary offered up to the world of piracy, which he had quickly dismissed.

"It's a brilliant plan," Tsuka went on, as if never hearing the confusion in Noh's tone. "I just thought of it yesterday when having lunch with Betty here. What exactly makes the pirates go from the stuff of potatoes to the stuff of nightmares? They must've discovered things, learnt things, experienced things during their journey on the sea! With the entire world chasing after them! Quite a goat chase don't you think?"

"A goose chase, sir."

"That too!"

Noh cleared his throat and regained composure, doing his best to keep an aloof expression to coat over his surfacing apprehension. "I apologise if I'm misinterpreting this; but I feel as if you are asking me to pose as a pirate."

A toothy grin stretched across Tsuka's shining face. "That's _exactly_ what I'm telling you to do!" he set the bulldog down and patted his junior on the shoulder. "You catch on well, Lieutenant, I like that in people."

"Admiral Tsuka, d-do you have permission to perform such a devastating opera-?"

"Devastating?" Tsuka echoed with great surprise. "Now now son, what part of this ingenious mission is _devastating_?"

_Everything sir. Just about everything._

Noh received a beefy slap on the back. "Come on boy, everyone needs a little fun! Haven't you always wanted to round up your own crew and travel the seas as if it was your own?"

"I-"

"But don't worry, I won't leave you completely on your own," Tsuka then picked up the paper sitting patiently on his desk and pushed it into the officer's stiff hands. "If you're going to mingle with pirates, you're going to have to do it professionally. This chap is an experienced pirate himself, I'm sure you'll get along fine with him! I met him and he's very friendly."

He then chuckled to himself, as if replaying the scene at the back of his head.

Noh's apple-green eyes began widening as he realized the Admiral was completely serious about the mission. "No wait sir, you actually met up with a pi-"

He was cut off in midsentence as Tsuka pulled him out of his seat and steered him towards the door. "Can't waste a single moment Lieutenant, there's a world waiting for you out there! Find the pirate, he has the details and the ship, find yourself some pirates, an ocean to wander in and see where everything takes you!"

"Ad-Admiral!" Noh spluttered. "I can't accept!" He couldn't hold it in anymore, he was worrying. He was worrying _a lot_.

Silence drowned them after his last three words, Tsuka stopped and craned his neck slowly to stare deeply into Noh's quivering eyes. He held his gaze for a few moments before swivelling them away towards the window.

"Well, that's a surprise," he said in an oddly toneless voice. "Your father thought you might like a bit of adventure and suggested you to me."

_That explains pretty much everything._

Noh resisted the urge to smack his forehead, his father was losing it, and was in a worse state than Tsuka. Even though Noh's sister has taken their father under her wing, he could not help dreaming every night of his mad parent talking to himself and still pretending he was battling against Sogeking.

It was not like he was worried. He was only musing.

Noh politely bowed his head at the Admiral.

"I apologise sir, I am content enough with my rank and despite how... _resisting_ this offer may be, it is not one I can take," he said in a low, grave voice, thinking it might not be completely convincing he hastily added, "My father as you know is quite ill and my sister and I have to take care of him together."

That was when Tsuka gave Noh a look he had never seen before; surprise.

"Are we talking about the same man here?" Tsuka said in between chortles of laughter. "Your father is a smashing man, still have enough courage to brave the seas and put his heart and soul into battle. And you're declining so you can take _care _of him?_ My dear boy, he told me that if you just _happened_ not want to go, he'd do it himself!"_

He was worried. Worried. Worried. _Worried._

His demented daddy who still loved his action at the age of 66 would without doubt flag a Jolly Roger without second thought. Noh felt himself drowning in distress, his jaw hung open, absolutely frightened with the idea, and by the time he felt for his voice he said something for the first time without thinking over his words.

"I'll do it."

* * *

><p>In a few hours; dressed in a threadbare garb and a scarf wrapped round his neck, Noh reached the restaurant which was to be his meeting point with the pirate- Koobii Samura. He was still rather stunned with everything that just flew by in the past three hours and was quite shaken with the secret assignment shouldered on him.<p>

"Do it for father," he muttered under his breath. "Do it so for our lunatic father and prevent him from leaving his post at headquarters."

_Don't worry about the first step_, Tsuka's words were still reciting over and over in his mind.

_I'll get the notifications you're a pirate going in no time at all. Just meet up with young Koobii and leave the rest to us. You have nothing to worry about._

There was in fact a lot to worry about. Noh just hoped the senile old fool (who was as of today just as batty as Noh's predecessor) wouldn't frame him for murder.

Noh was worried. He was also all on his own. If only Noh had some of his men here, they would be panicking to such an extreme extent that one just _had_ to feel calm. He just hoped the pirate was as friendly as Tsuka claimed. Noh was going to need a lot of moral support through the mission.

As he stepped into the restaurant and allowed himself be guided to an empty table, he fished out the piece of paper from inside his jacket to run through any details that might be on it. Only then he realized that the scrap paper was the back of a bounty poster.

Hesitantly, he flipped it over and wanted to worry more than ever.

* * *

><p>"175, 000, 000 beri huh? Wow, that's a biggie."<p>

"He's not even in the damn picture though."

A man with freckles squinted into the poster. "Oh yeah... all you can see is some beaten up looking guys and a kid in his pyjamas."

"How did he even get in the shot?"

Walking past them was a boy, he had heavy-lidded brown eyes and a blank expression, also notably clothed in blue and white striped cotton sleeping clothes. His naked feet padded noiselessly passed them, walking rather aimlessly.

The freckled man's friend pointed out another thing missing on the bounty poster. "Look, there's no name either, just his pirate name. Seriously, this is the worse WANTED poster I've ever seen."

Behind them, the boy tugged on the man's sleeve. "Excuse me sir... where is the Golden Apple restaurant?"

Without tearing his eyes away, the man pointed to his left. "Straight ahead kid, there's a big sign you can't miss."

"Thank-you, sir," the boy offered a lazy smile but the attention was already gone for him. He trudged away, stifling a yawn, searching absently for the sign.

The two men took one last scoff at the peeling poster and walked off the other direction. They began muttering a few more stories they heard about the pirate, his _evil deeds_, his _demonic power_and his _tyrannical dream_.

* * *

><p><strong>WANTED<strong>

Sleep Walker

_175, 000, 000 beri_

* * *

><p><strong>I made this for the sake of just making it. This is mostly a humour-based story and I genuinely will not take most things seriously as I write this.<strong>

**Well, perhaps a few things. Just to create some drama.**

**Still, if you would like to submit a character, the more comical the better.**

**COMPLETELY AU, Luffy does not even belong to this universe, not even Roger for the matter.**

**Red**

* * *

><p><strong><em>What is Available<em>**

**Captain-** Noh by RedxAlert**  
>First Mate-<strong> Koobii Samura by FanFicAA  
><strong>Cook-<strong>**  
>Doctor- <strong>**  
>Navigator-<br>Archaeologist-  
>Sniper-<br>Shipwright-  
>Musician-<strong> Ridgel by This Is An Adverb

_**Marines**_

_Yes, there is a reason behind the very short list needed for Marines. There are a lot of ranks and we don't think we'll ever be able to fit every character in fairly from the Marine ranks so I shortened it. I may do need other ranks in the future like Commodores and such, but until then this remains as a close._

**Captain**x2.**  
>Lieutenant<strong>x2.**  
><strong>

**Photography team** lol Military paparazzi XD I'm kidding, these people are the ones taking photos of the pirates (and paparazzi in disguise)

_**Bounty Hunters**_

_Gender doesn't matter, specie doesn't matter, you could be a flying fishcake for all we care. Remember, you are on a different team from the Marines- may even be rivals!_

_**Other Pirates**_

_For pirates who could not get main pirate positions will be grouped together to form ally or enemy pirate groups X)_

**_Hell Pirates_**

_The Pirate King's crew. _Three spaces open_. Not looking for any particular rank, just some bad-ass characters. The death of the Pirate King occurred ten years ago so you have to at least be over the age of ten as well please. For long time friends, you'll be in your fifties._

* * *

><p><strong>Name: <strong>first then last

**Alias:**

**Age:**

**Gender:**

**Specie:**

**Occupation:**

**Personality: **the more detail, the better- you also have more a chance of being accepted.

**Physical Appearance:** just the usual, try not give your character multicoloured hair or something... a trademark feature would be awesome

**Clothing+Accessories: **something unique is appreciated

**Weapon: **it can have a name :D

**Ability: **devil fruit and whatnot all here.

**Strengths: **what is your character good at? What kind of enemy or battlefield suits him/her?**  
>Weakness: <strong>a balance of strengths and weaknesses is essential

**History: **just to say, this doesn't have to bee too overly detailed.

**Like-Not-Like Scale: **does your character like Noh or not? 1 for 'I am going to effing kill him' and 10 for 'lets get married!'

**Other: **since I've probably missed something out

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you (somehow) enjoyed reading!<strong>


	2. Wine

**Marines Guide to Pirates, Pillows and all that Jazz**

**.**

**.**

**L**_esso_**n O**_n_**e**

**.**

_If you cut down a Devil Tree and replant it, you will be granted the spirit of a Sea Demon and a tree bearing fruit of its power_

_"Pirate King" Morgan Heller died 45 years after learning this_

**.**

People always complimented his hair. It was glossy, tidy and apparently felt like silk when one touched it. Noh was not exactly over the moon hearing envious women coo over his head, but it was still a genuinely nice compliment.

At this rate, the compliments were going to die away since he was convinced he was going to be bald by thirty.

His sister always did say that for the men who are constantly stressed, their hair will suffer- usually by going white or thinning.

Noh moaned and ran his hands through his 'beautiful' ebony hair, yes, he could feel the stress already attack his very roots. He was going to become the spitting image of his grandfather in half the time expected. All he needed now was a walking stick and a beard for the finishing touches.

He barely noticed the waitress who was standing next to him.

"Sir?" she said softly, touching his shoulder to catch his attention. "Sir, your... guest is here."

Noh's eyes shot open.

Yes, he was here to have a meal with a guest- a _pirate_ guest.

The story here was that once upon a yesterday, a senile Marine Admiral decided to find any poor sucker of a sailor and hand him the horrific task of becoming a pirate _just_ to see how the blue hell they become so strong and famous. To add to the chaos, the thoughtful Admiral found a real _pirate_ to help the sailor do his 'mission.'

The pirate was presumably The Sleep Walker. A mysterious and dangerous man who raged across the Blues with an unknown, evil conquest. Anyone who had ever crossed his past never lived to tell the tale- or just somehow seemed to be unable to talk about it. That very reason made his bounty poster a challenge to print, leaving no details of a proper photo or name.

Preparing for the worse, Noh nodded stiffly at the waitress.

"Yes, I was expecting someone," he muttered. "Please send him over."

A waiter approached him, carrying a heavy bundle under his arm. The bundle revealed to be a small boy in pyjamas. Yes, that's right. A child. He was wearing a white and blue stripy sleeping clothes, short hair fashioned to a bowl cut and appeared to be sleeping. The waiter awkwardly propped up the boy on a chair.

"He fell asleep after walking in," he explained. "Can I get anything for you two?"

Noh didn't reply straight away. In fact, he was staring so intently at his 'expected' guest that it was as if he did not even hear the question. Before the waiter repeated his earlier sentence, a pair of dark eyes snapped up at him.

"I'd like some wine please, and anything suitable for a... child it would seem. And a lot of wine." Noh was babbling, continuously repeating the word 'wine' under his breath.

The waiter gave him a strange look and disappeared off to the kitchen.

For a moment, Noh sat there deep in thought.

He could just walk out of the restaurant and tell Admiral Tsuka later on he got lost. He could even just ring up the man himself via Den Den Mushi and say he wanted out, or he could ring his father up instead and ask him if he fancied a trip with a pirate. There were not a lot of options to choose from, and he was considering Plan A at the moment.

Before he could bring himself to do it, there was a sudden jolt at the table. The boy had woken up.

He spent a minute getting his bearings, before offering a smile at Noh. "Hello," the boy said slowly. "I'm Koobii Samura."

Noh nodded stiffly. "Yes, I gathered that."

"You must be Noh, right?"

Another nod.

"Nice to meet you Noh... though you're a bit younger than I thought."

Noh almost banged his head against the table.

This child. This _child_. It was impossible, he could just not fathom it. How on earth this drowsy looking boy be the legendary The Sleep Walker? (Then again, the name actually did suit him.) His pirate name was given for the fact that wherever he goes, all his enemies would have drowned in deep slumber (no, they weren't _dead_) hence Sleep Walker. But seriously, _how_? How did that boy-?

Said boy tilted his head.

"Noh, you okay? Or have you fallen asleep?"

The Marine shot up in his seat and flicked his ebony hair away from his face. "With all due respect... Mr. Samura, it is not normal for a person to fall asleep in a public area."

Koobii leaned forward on his chair. "Koobii... just call me Koobii." He paused- well, more like sat there for another five minutes. "In fact, it'll be better off if you call me 'First Mate,' right Captain?"

His words were like icy water, Noh felt more alert than before.

"...what did you call me?"

Koobii let out a yawn. "Captain. Tsuka-chan asked me to take you on an adventure... so I'm guessing I'm the guide, navigator or... whatever I am."

The Marine coughed into a closed fist. "I- er- was actually assuming it was going to be in the other way round," he muttered. "You see, I am... a spectator of all the events which will be following. Besides, I am not _leader_ material."

For a moment, Noh thought Koobii had hit the snooze again.

Suddenly, the boy smiled. "Well, I'm not much of a leader either..."

"I assure you, with your name you will be able to hold more power over our... _crew_ than me," Noh said with what he hoped was a bright tone.

"Nah... you'll do Cap. All you need is charisma."

The waiter chose then to present the drinks in front of the customers; one glass of orange juice in ice, and another filled with wine along with a generous bottle for instant refills.

He wordlessly set everything out and gave a short bow. "Your food will be ready shortly."

When he left, Koobii leaned so far on his seat his chin was lying on the table. He smiled childishly. "So, Noh. Shall I let you in on the plan?"

All the blood drained from the older man's face. He had been dreading this very moment where he gets to hear the horrifying invention Tsuka and The Sleep Walker came up with- and did he mention the pirate was just a _child_? A child wearing _pajamas_ in public? It could not end well at all.

Koobii took the stifled silence as a 'yes.'

He began motioning with his hands as if performing a puppet show.

"So basically..."

_Mr. Waiter walked up to Angry Captain Noh._

_"What's wrong, customer?"_

_"Don't call me 'customer!'" Angry Captain Noh snapped, pulling out a shotgun from underneath the table. "I'm here because I found this fish damn tasty and going to steal the rest of it from this restaurant!"_

_All the other customers began to cry in fear, but then the Marines came crashing through the door holding the flag of Justice._

_"Give up now pirate! You're surrounded!" they called out to him._

_Angry Captain Noh merely sneered. "I'm not a pirate _yet_! You've barely seen me at sea!"_

_"Uh... after him, men!"_

_The Marines were quick, but Noh was quicker. He grabbed the cute, sleepy boy sitting in front of him and went tearing down to a harbour where a conveniently placed ship was docked. Angry Captain Noh hoisted the sails and went sailing away, laughing at the Marines who crowded around the jetty._

_"Curse you, pirate!" the Marines yelled._

_Angry Captain Noh raised a fist. "Try catch me now, fools! The notorious, violent, Angry Captain Noh is now at sea!"_

There was no immediate response.

Koobii finally put his hands down. "So, what do you think?"

He still did not get an answer.

"Erm... Captain Noh?"

Nothing.

"Cap, are you okay?"

Same reaction.

"Should I get you your shotgun?"

"NO!" Abruptly the dark-haired Marine slammed both hands onto the table with his body tense and lean. Realizing that every pair of eyes were lingering at his direction, he cleared his throat and forced himself to calm down.

Koobii did not look bothered at all. "So then... you're going to tell me what you think?"

An eyebrow twitched.

"...Mr. Sa- I mean- _Koobii_, when and _how_ did you come up with that 'plan?'" he asked as calmly as possible.

Koobii was quite pleased with the question. "_Well_... I came up with the idea of you kidnapping a person... since it'll prove you really are a cruel, heartless pirate."

_Aren't you a pirate as well, Mr. Samura?_

"Tsuka-chan came up with timing the Marines entry... he said that they'll have to arrive at an inconvenient time... since the Marines always do that."

_An **Admiral** actually that said?_

Koobii rested his face in his hands. "And that's that...we talked it over at lunch yesterday, a~and got the finishing touches done right after dessert."

_No... no no NO NO NO NO NOOOO!_

The world was twisting out of control for Noh.

The Admiral had literally thought this up in a single lunch period yesterday, with his senile father and a deranged child poisoning the already contaminated plan. The very same Admiral who has the world resting on his shoulders.

Noh was ready to throw his own face into his hands but the young pirate boy leaned over the table and patted his head.

"Hey... don't be so worried," he assured. "Believe in Tsuka-chan and me... nothing will go wrong."

_You're wrong, Mr. Samura. Everything is **already** wrong._

"Now..." Koobii passed over a long wrapped object over to Noh. "There's your shotgun."

* * *

><p><strong>This is probably going to go terrible wrong, doing two of these stories at the same time.<strong>

**Anyway, I'm sorry to some of my readers who have sent me OCs but they're not written on below! D: I was being a lazy idiot and didn't copy and save them in a document so when the old PM system went, they went too D: Really, really sorry... submit again if you have the time!**

****COMPLETELY AU, Luffy does not even belong to this universe, not even Roger for the matter.****

****Red****

* * *

><p><strong><em>What is Available<em>**

**Captain-** Noh by RedxAlert**  
>First Mate-<strong> Koobii Samura by FanFicAA  
><strong>Cook-<strong>**  
>Doctor- <strong>**  
>Navigator-<br>Archaeologist-  
>Sniper-<br>Shipwright-  
>Musician-<strong> Ridgel by This Is An Adverb

_**Marines**_

_Yes, there is a reason behind the very short list needed for Marines. There are a lot of ranks and we don't think we'll ever be able to fit every character in fairly from the Marine ranks so I shortened it. I may do need other ranks in the future like Commodores and such, but until then this remains as a close._

**Captain**x2.**  
>Lieutenant<strong>x2.**  
><strong>

**Photography team** lol Military paparazzi XD I'm kidding, these people are the ones taking photos of the pirates (and paparazzi in disguise)

_**Bounty Hunters**_

_Gender doesn't matter, specie doesn't matter, you could be a flying fishcake for all we care. Remember, you are on a different team from the Marines- may even be rivals!_

Mint Absinthium- by Artemst

_**Other Pirates**_

_For pirates who could not get main pirate positions will be grouped together to form ally or enemy pirate groups X)_

Orca Delphinidae- by Artemst

**_Hell Pirates_**

_The Pirate King's crew. _Two spaces open_. Not looking for any particular rank, just some bad-ass characters. The death of the Pirate King occurred ten years ago so you have to at least be over the age of ten as well please. For long time friends, you'll be in your fifties._

* * *

><p><strong>Name: <strong>first then last

**Alias:**

**Age:**

**Gender:**

**Specie:**

**Occupation:**

**Personality: **the more detail, the better- you also have more a chance of being accepted.

**Physical Appearance:** just the usual, try not give your character multicoloured hair or something... a trademark feature would be awesome

**Clothing+Accessories: **something unique is appreciated

**Weapon: **it can have a name :D

**Ability: **devil fruit and whatnot all here.

**Strengths: **what is your character good at? What kind of enemy or battlefield suits him/her?**  
>Weakness: <strong>a balance of strengths and weaknesses is essential

**History: **just to say, this doesn't have to bee too overly detailed.

**Like-Not-Like Scale: **does your character like Noh or not? 1 for 'I am going to effing kill him' and 10 for 'lets get married!'

**Other: **since I've probably missed something out

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you (somehow) enjoyed reading!<strong>


End file.
